An image that says "Moab Sun News" then in larger type: "LETTER TO THE EDITOR"

My name is Lucky Strike. I represent the interests of the tobacco industry in the state of Utah. Prepare yourself for a smoke shop coming to your neighborhood!

We are working tirelessly with the Utah State Legislature to remove all bans on public smoking. Utah is beginning to recognize the enormous economic benefit for supporting public smoking in all areas of society. They understand how smokers have been marginalized, singled out by Health Institutions at the expense of their own freedom.

Smokers are fed up with being discriminated against. If some health freak doesn’t like us lighting up a cigarette in the library, well then, they can leave. It’s not our fault they care about their lungs.

Isn’t it our right to enjoy a relaxing cigar after a big plate of lasagna at Pasta Jay’s? What concern is it of ours if your granddaughter has asthma? 

While we’re at it, we’re pressing to have the age for purchasing cigarettes lowered. Smoking is enjoyable, why not start as soon as you can? Imagine the aroma of burning cigarettes wafting throughout your neighborhood! No place would be exempt; schools, restaurants, grocery stores, movie theaters, parks, hospitals!!! 

Just like the old days! 

We are so encouraged by the State’s ability to legalize RZRs to run on public streets, we thought we’d take a crack at it too. 

Say! Did I say crack? Now there’s a money maker!

Lucky Strike

Alias: Kaki Hunter, Moab