“The trouble is, you think you have time.” –Buddha
On their deathbeds, people often have the same regrets. It’s a wonder, because we vary wildly in interest and religion, in political opinion and leisure activities, in earnings and luck. Yet at the end, when looking back, we are united.
What do people wish they had done with their time here on Earth? Here’s a hint: they don’t wish they had made more money.
In her article, “How To Buy Happiness,” Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky reports people on the brink of death wish they had spent more time “connecting with friends, nurturing intimate relationships, socializing at parties, consuming art, music, and literature, learning new languages and skills, honing talents, and volunteering at our neighborhood hospital, church, or animal shelter.”
Most of these things require little or no money. Of course, money can help us fit more of these activities into our day-to-day lives. But money and expensive purchases aren’t the ticket to real well-being.
“In wealthier nations, where almost everyone has a basic safety net, increases in wealth have negligible effects on personal happiness,” Dr. Martin Seligman states in “Authentic Happiness.” “In the United States, the very poor are lower in happiness, but once a person is just barely comfortable, added money adds little or no happiness. Even the fabulously rich—the Forbes 100, with an average net worth of over $125 million dollars—are only slightly happier than the average American.”
People who neglect other aspects of life for money tend to be less satisfied with their lives, but you won’t see these findings portrayed in popular media or explicitly added to the curriculum at school. Consumerism has become synonymous with the American dream. More and more education seems to be about this “race to the top,” an overzealous Cold War mentality that just won’t die, that pits the world’s 16-year-olds against each other in an absurd battle to see which nation’s children have mastered skills relevant to only one domain: economics.
Don’t get me wrong. Education prepares many to graduate into productive and lucrative jobs. A healthy income may fulfill basic needs – even provide considerable pleasure (like gourmet food, lavish furnishings, purchase power) – but income generation alone neglects a huge part of what it means to be human.
What can moneymaking neglect? According to psychologists, two other parts of life are often overlooked: engagement and meaning. Engagement is about using your unique talents to accomplish tasks or overcome challenges, like navigating a tricky Jeep route or playing your favorite sport. Getting lost in this experience is called “flow,” which creates happiness and gratification.
A meaningful life is one connected to a greater movement, something like our community, school district, a club, or church. Joining something bigger than ourselves allows happiness to transcend the limits of one, especially when we use our unique talents to help others.
Some realize too late that money isn’t enough, that they’ve devoted too much of their precious time to getting ahead. They want to go back for a favorite hobby with a friend, quality time with their spouse, laughing with their kids, helping at the food bank, or meeting new people. As individuals living in a wealthy nation, most of us have opportunities to enrich and balance our lives, not only with wealth, but with engagement and meaning, too.
Already we’re a step ahead. We live in Moab, flow capital of the United States, where vacationers seek to make memories. I, for one, expect I could earn more money elsewhere. I could save more for retirement. I could live in a bigger house. However, you and I know intuitively that more and bigger aren’t necessarily better. That’s why we choose to be here and leave the opulence to others.
For we are rich in other ways.
We are rich in vistas. In rivers and trails and red rock towers. We live here for the public lands and silent spaces, for likeminded people. Tucked into this desert canyon, we are part of a community fueled by adventure and grounded in an understanding only recently described by science, but known in every human heart, that experience outweighs possessions.
Every day this beautiful place reminds me of a wonderful idea. So do my mountain-biking neighbors. And the kind people and businesses of Moab. Even the tourists who seek excitement in our pristine region of cliffs and wild canyons…
It is possible to live without regrets.
Dan McNeil lives in Moab and is the executive director of Grand County Mentoring